How it went…

So yesterday was the day that K and I were supposed to go and talk to his parents and his brother and future sister-in-law. I was a nervous wreck, worrying about what his mother was going to accuse me of and piss me off beyond belief so that I said something stupid, and she never talked to K again.

Well, at 9 am I had to be at the fire hall to help set up for the cash bash that we had last night. We set up tables, chairs, card games, and beer. After that I went to my mom’s house, then proceeded to my grandmother’s house to spend some time with John. We had a nice nap together, then it was time to get up and take a bath to get ready to meet K at his house.

I got there around 4:30. Well K’s dad says “I know that you have had a misunderstanding with Ev, but we need to be a family. We don’t have much family left since my parents are both dead and Ev’s parents are both dead. We all need to get along because family is all we have.” Very well spoken. So we are cool now. K’s dad then made mudslides with whipped cream for everyone. Yummy.

After that the 6 of us met the realtor at the house so that his parents could see it. They loved the house. They said that it was a lot of house for a little bit of money, so we have their approval. They also said that they are going to give us $1800 to buy whatever we would need for the house. After we were done at the house I had to go to the fire hall for the cash bash. K rode back to his house with his parents so that he could get his car.

K then came down to the cash bash. Afterwards we went to the Italian Club to have a few drinks. My mom and sister came up later. They were having karaoke down at the Russian Club, so the 4 of us went down there for karaoke. We had a few more drinks, then my sister and I sang 2 songs together. K didn’t sing, he just laughed. It was a lot of fun. Can’t wait to do it again.

It’s been a while…

Ok, So it’s been a very long time since I’ve posted anything, well, here goes.

Where to start. K and I went to Florida the first week in September. We stayed with my friend Lauren and her fiancee Bill. We had a blast. We went out, we bought souvenirs for everyone back at home. We had a really long discussion one day after napping about where our relationship stood, and where it was going. That conversation did us a world of good. Our relationship has been better than it ever has. We made love, we laughed, we laughed while we made love. We went to an awesome Japanese steakhouse for K’s birthday. It was fun, and super yummy too. That night after we got back to Lauren’s place, we packed up our stuff and the 4 of us drove to Tampa to stay with Lauren’s grandma. K and I were in the Mustang we rented for the crazy price of $107 for the whole time that we were down there. I drove, of course, because K doesn’t know the area, and was content just to let me drive. Amen for GPS. We didn’t get lost at all, and I had a hard time keeping it under 85. Ha ha. Lead foot and a Mustang shouldn’t meet, but we didn’t get pulled over, so it’s all good.

The next morning, Lauren, Bill, and Grandma got up early to go to a conference. K and I slept in, got up, made love, then ventured to Busch Gardens in Tampa Bay. We had a really, really great time while we were there. We saw a 3d Pirates movie, that was hilarious, we rode some rides, we walked around and looked at all the animals they had there. I got some really great pictures too. We left Busch Gardens around 4 o’clock. We drove back to Grandma’s house, took her dog Lucy for a walk, and then ventured off for the beach to watch the sunset.

We found the same beach that we were at last year. Indian Rocks Beach. We found ourselves a quite piece of beach, some distance from other beach goers. We walked past a group of people watching 2 people get married on the beach. I told K that they were crazy.

The water was kinda yucky from the hurricane that had just been through the Gulf, so I didn’t spend much time in the water. K and I just sat on the beach talking about getting married while we waited for the sun to set. I kinda had secretly wished that he was going to propose to me on that beach at sunset. He didn’t, but we did discuss it. We walked hand in hand on the beach picking up sea shells, then sat together and watched the beautiful sun set. It was so romantic, I got a ton of great pictures of the sun set. Then K leaned over and kissed me very passionately and lovingly. It was definitely a very good trip for us. We went back to Grandma’s house once it was dark, showered, ate, then went to sleep. Got up early the next morning, and flew back home.

Things have been, and still are going amazingly with K. I can’t believe how lucky we are to have been able to find each other. He has stood beside me and supported methrough my most difficult times, which ocurred a few weeks after our return from Florida. He has supported me through a difficult surgery in which I was told that I could possibly lose both ovaries and my ability to have more children. He stodd beside me simply saying that if we couldn’t have children together, that he would just love John like his own. Well, that he already does. He treats John as if he were his own son. It was love at first sight for those two. I couldn’t have asked for a better man.

He had been talking for a while about wanting to buy his own place, but wasn’t really interested in moving in with me. That was fine, I could live with that for now. I didn’t want to rush him, or us. But I was helping him keep an eye out for a house that would be good for him.

Well, I found one. It was fairly recently remodeled, new wiring, just needs to be cleaned up really well. So he told me to get some information for him. Well he scheduled an appointment for us to go see it. We went in, met with the realtor, and toured the house. Once we got to the top of the steps, he saw the first room and was like “this would be a great playroom for John” Then we went to the first bedrooom, and he said that it was going to be John’s room, and that he had a bed at his grandmother’s house for John. Then we walked into the master bedroom, he said that he had a bedroom set for us, but that the pink carpet had to go, he didn’t know about me, but he couldn’t sleep with that carpet in there. lol

Well, he went from not being interested in living together, to now, he has made an offer on the house and we will be moving in together by the first of the year. I am so excited, so is John and K both. We all can’t wait to start living together.

Then Kevin had to tell his parents that he was buying a house and we were moving in together. Knowing how his mother feels about me, I thought she was going to have a stroke. Well he told them last weekend that he was buying a house and I was moving in with him. He had asked his parents to sit down in the living room because he needed to tell them something. His mother was like “I know what it is, you’re getting married.” To which Kevin replied, no I’m buying a house, and I’m not going to be the only one living there.

Well so now his mom knows that she’s not going to get rid of me. Now she thinks we need to sit down and talk. K asked me what I thought about it, and I told him that I would do it for him. So tomorrow at 4:30 all 6 of us are going to sit down and talk about what’s been going on the past 6 months that his mother has hated, followed by which we are going to take them to look at the house K is buying.

Pray for me…

Back to the grind…

K and I arrived back in Pittsburgh around 2:07 pm today after being in Florida since Tuesday night. Vacation was wonderful. We got to spend a lot of much needed quality alone time together. Along with lots of quality time with our friends Lauren and Bill.

We didn’t really do a whole lot while we were there. Just really enjoyed the weather, our friends and each other. We did go to Busch Gardens in Tampa yesterday morning, followed by a beautiful, romantic sunset on the beach last night. K and I also did a lot of talking and discussing of things that needed to be said. And since they’ve been said, things are better for us than they have ever been.

We realize that we are completely, totally in love with each other. We are just terrified of admitting in out loud. We had discussed some of the problems that we had been having. Mostly holding ourselves back from feeling what we knew that we couldn’t change. Part of that also has to do with the physical aspect of the relationship. Up until vacation we had only made love once. It was K’s first time. It had been 3 months since we had made love, and I needed some answers as to why he was avoiding being with me like that.

Well, it turns out, he was afraid that it would change things between us. I assured him, that if anything changed between us in this relationship, that they would only be for the better. It is just one more connection between us that we didn’t have. And that it was all a part of the K that I fell in love with. Let me tell you, it took a hell of a lot for me to be able to say those words out loud to him.

After all was said and done, and he had gotten over his fears, I must say that it did in fact help our relationship. We are much closer now, having been down there, than we were before we ever left. Things are better for us than they have ever been.

Now, there is only one more fear the two of us need to get over. Once we get over that last fear, I believe we can take the next step in our relationship and head toward marriage. I told him that I will only marry him for the right reasons. That I want him to want to marry me because he loves me, and for no other reason but that. It seemed to get through. Now, we just sit back, enjoy being in love, and wait to see what happens next.

Almost 1 week…

Well, in approximately 1 week and 22 minutes I will be landing in Orlando Florida, starting my vacation. My plane leaves Pittsburgh at 5pm and after a brief layover in Atlanta is scheduled to land at 9:27 pm in Orlando. I can’t wait. I am so excited. I can’t wait to get away from work for a while. I really need it.

I have been working my ass off lately, trying to prepare for my promotion. It’s going to be a lot of hard work. But I will be making $1.50 more an hour just to start. It’ll go up from there. But for now, I’m just counting down the days until I leave.

I work 9-5 tomorrow, then close Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Even though when I took the job I told thm that I couldn’t close on the weekends. That’s pretty much the only time I have to spend with Kevin with the way he works during the week. But a lot of people have quit recently, so there’s not really anyone else to work. At least I’ll get to sleep in, maybe, if John lets me.

Back to vacation. I know that I’d like to spend at least one day on the beach. Since we are going to be in Tampa for the weekend, that is entirely possible. Depending on what Kevin feels like doing. His birthday will be the Friday that we are down there. Not sure what I’m going to do for him yet. I thought about taking him out for a steak dinner… he loves steak. Then I thought I’d ask my friend if she knows of any good tattoo parlors and take him down there for a tatoo… hmmm. I know that he’s been wanting one, but we just haven’t gotten around to it… Maybe that could be his birthday present.

I love Florida. I  just hope that there’s no hurricane down there when we go. It was beautiful weather down there last year when we went. Just have to wait, keep our fingers crossed, and see.

LODD Close to home.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term, LODD stands for Line of Duty Death, used when speaking about fire fighters. And thus far, as long as I can remember the closest to home in a long time.  On Saturday August 9, 2008, a good friend, great instructor, and my chief’s brother collapsed during a structural burn training session. He later passed away at the hospial in cardiac arrest.

This was a very devastating death for the local communities around where I live. Just about everyone in this area knew Sean Whiten, or was taught by him at some point. He taught me everything that I know about fire fighting. In fact, my class was the last Essentials class that he taught beginning to end.

He was laid out at the funeral home for two nights. Tuesday night my station, 33, went and paid our respects to Sean and his family. We were the largest group of firemen there that night. Wednesday night there were somewhere around 500 fire fighters there for a memorial service for Sean.

Yesterday morning was the full out fire fighter’s funeral for this man who will be greatly missed. There were somewhere around 1000 fire fighters in attendance for his funeral services. There were more than 125 fire apparatus in the small towns of Roscoe and Stockdale where the funeral services were held. There were bag pipers playing in the distance, and not a dry eye in the place. Once Sean’s casket was carried out and put into the hearse, among full salute from his fellow fire fighters, the county set off his tones and gave Captain Sean T. Whiten his “last call” You could hear his fire whistle going off in the distance, among the sniffles and tears from 1000 fire fighters.

This was a great man, who taught many people many things about the fire service, myself included. He will be sadily missed by everyone.

Small Victories…

All of my life I was fat. I don’t just mean a little overweight. I mean all out, fat all over fat. At my heaviest I weighed 327 pounds. I am now down to an amazing feeling 170. I’m sure that could I afford the plastic surgery to lose this skin I’d be around 155 or so. But I feel great… So, I had a small victory yesterday while out shopping with my aunt and grandmother.

I have a good friend that is one of the managers at Aeropostale at the local mall. I had never been in that store before, and while killing time waiting for my grandmother, I wandered in just looking for my friend. Well, she picks up a pair of jeans and tells me that she wants me to try them on. I look at her, laugh, and ask “which leg do you want me to put those on?” After being so big for so long I still have issues parting with the fat mentality that goes with it. She looks at me, unlocks the fitting room, and proceeds to follow me in. Of course after 20+ years of friendship, she’s seen just about every inch of me, even at my biggest.

I tried the jeans on, and they fit! Oh my God. You have no idea how I felt when I actually was able to fit into a pair of jeans from Aeropostale. And I looked good in them. My ass looks amazing in these jeans. I couldn’t believe it, and they were on sale for $19.99. I had to have these jeans. I took the jeans, along with two cute little tank tops that I found, also on sale, and proceeded to the register.

I couldn’t believe it, I, former fat girl, was about to make my first purchase at Aeropostale. I was so psyched. And it was on sale. I got $85 worth of clothes for $42. Now I was twice as excited. I couldn’t wait to show K, but of course he was working last night. John and I went to see him for lunch today, and I just had to wear my new jeans. After K put John in the car seat I turned around giving him a good look at my ass. “Don’t these jeans make my ass look great?: To which his reply was that I was crazy. “Of course I am, but you love me.” With that he just looked at me, smiled, gave me my kiss and went back to work.

I also did a little shopping today. My friend Lauren, whom I love very dearly, is headed down the aisle next October. I was told that I needed to find a brown or khaki, cream, etc, etc, colored dress. Well, I found one today. A size 12! and it was on sale for $2.50!! The zipper is a little messed up, but my grandmother, who once made a wedding dress for someone should have no problem fixing it. I can’t wait until it’s fixed so that I can take it to Florida with me next month so that I can show Lauren and get her approval on it. Yay, vacation, 1 month and counting!

Long week.

Well, I had a day off from work last Wednesday. I took John for a haircut, and we had lunch with K. After that we didn’t do much of anything because of the storms that rolled through. Thursday I worked 8-6, Friday I again had to be at work at 8am. Not a big deal, I don’t mind having to be at work at 8. Well, while I was preparing for a day in which I would be done working at 6pm someone had called off. My aunt asked if there were anyway that I could possibly close, read as, work till midnight. Of course I told her that I would. I couldn’t possibly leave her high and dry. Also figuring that I was off Saturday so that I would have a chance to sleep in and just veg-out.

At 11am I had left work to go back home for a few hours before having to be back at work at 5pm to close the store. I figured that it would be a good opportunity for a nap. My 2 year old thought otherwise. Needless to say there was no nap for me. So of course I went back to work and finished up around midnight. Got home around 1 am. By time I got to bed it was like 2-2:30. Not a problem, I can sleep in. Woo hoo.

FOrward to 8:15 Saturday morning. The phone rings. I did not answer it, my grandmother did. She brings the phone into where I am sleeping and tells me that it was for me. Upon answering it I find that it is my aunt, and she needs me to come to work. That I would be done working at 4pm. Thinking of the dollar signs I get up, get dressed, and leave for work. Well 4 pm rolls around and my relief is no where to be seen. I finally got out of work around 5:30 or so.

From that point I drove to K’s hockey game. The game took roughly an hour. Afterwards we were standing between our cars “arguing” about what we were going to do for the evening. Both of us were cracking up. He of course said something about me being a pain in his ass, to which I gave my typical response, “yeah but you love me.” To which he responded “I’m not saying anything.” I said you don’t have to say anything I know. He said “Yeah we both know that it’s true but I’m not coming out and saying it” So, K does love me, but he’s afraid to say the words. I don’t need him to say the words though. I know all that I need to know just by looking into his eyes.

We were “arguing” again after that when his best friend came up and said “Don’t make me have to seperate you two” At which point we just started laughing. As I was driving away I stopped the truck and yelled to him “go take a shower, you stink” (from him playing hockey) To which he replied “like you smell any better” (from work)

Once we were both showered and changed K came to pick me up and we headed out to get something to eat. We had tickets to go see The Dark Knight for 10:10 pm. It was a very good movie. Heath Ledger was very freaky as the Joker. Just very long. The movie was over at 1am. I was home around 1:30. By time I got to bed it was like 2-2:30. I was back up at 8:30 so that I could wash my work clothes so that I could be back at work by 11 am this morning. I was done working around 5:30. I spent the rest of the evening with my family, and of course have to be back at work tomorrow by 8am. I also work open on Tuesday.

I’m scheduled off for Wednesday, and if I’m lucky I will get it off. But I do have a job interview with UPS on Wednesday at 5pm, so if I do end up having to go to work, I have to be out of there no later than 2:30. And that is where we are right now. A whole hell of a lot of work, and an almost admission of love. What a week so far….

Ready for vacation

Things have been pretty hectic around here for me lately. I had John’s birthday party on Saturday. It turned out to be a really nice day. It was very hot. Everyone went swimming. Except of course me, because I don’t have a bathing suit. I can’t believe that my baby is 2 years old already. Seems like only yesterday I was holding him in my arms, he had depended on me for everything back then. Now he thinks that he is Mr. Independant.

I’ve also been putting in close to 50 hours a week at work. Most of the time I like my job. There are a few days that I don’t. Yesterday was a day that both my aunt and I didn’t feel like going to work. Good thing we did. 2 people had called off sick. Last night we finished working around midnight and got home around 1230. Had to be at work this morning by 8, so I was up around 6 or so…

K and I are planning on going on vacation back to Florida the first week in September. I can’t wait, I’m so excited. I’ve already started researching prices on plane tickets already. This year it’s my turn to buy the plane tickets. We are going to stay with my good friend Lauren and her fiancee Bill. K will be springing for the rental car and GPS again. Since he owns a car and has car insurance already it will be cheaper. I hope that we can go back to the tiki bar again, at least once. That was awesome sitting out there, watching the sunset over the lake. I can’t wait.

And when we’re in Orlando, we have to go back to M&M world. John needs his own M&M beach towel. And I’d love to go back to Universal City Walk. That was a lot of fun last year too. This year we can go into the bars cause I have photo ID now. Ha ha. Yeah, Lauren, PA finally decided to transfer my Colorado license. Only took them 5 years. But I guarantee you when you see it, it’s definitely the best driver’s license picture I’ve ever seen. lol.

I can’t wait to see Lauren and spend some time with her again. I miss her lots. We talk as often as we can though. And of course one day while I’m down there we’ll have to leave Bill and K to do some manly bonding while we go dress shopping. I am not going to buy a dress without you being there. Yeah, I realize that I change tenses all the time when I type, and change person and point of view too, but I’m sure y’all know what I”m talking about…

Cutting Ties

Seems to be a trend around here. Also seems strange that Lauren and I always seem to go through some things together. lol. We’ve been friends for 5 1/2 yrs… Lauren is not who I have chosen to cut ties with.

I have decided today that it is going to be more healthy for me mentally to cut all ties with J. It seems that his new g/f M is going back and telling him that I have said things that I never said. Oh yeah, big surprise there, that seems to be the trend when it involves me nowadays.

Apparently she had been telling everyone at work that she was dating him and that I had decided that I wanted him. Not true if you remember seeing my previous post. Then she decided that she was going to quit her job and move in with him. 3 days after they met! Is that insane or what. Well then apparently she is now telling him that I have said that she stole him from me. That is also very not true. Had we been together in the first place trust me, there would have been no stealing him away from me. Now she’s telling everyone that they are engaged.

So, I decided that I did not need to put up with more of the same bullshit that I have been putting up with for the past month and a half. I texted him, because of course he wouldn’t answer his phone, that I think it best that we just go our seperate ways now. The shit was getting too deep. Well of course, because he believed everything she said, wihtout getting the actual facts, he believed her. Which is fine with me. I do not need people like that in my life.

On the other hand, K and I have been spending a lot more time together lately. Things have been going pretty well. Almost back to the way they used to be. Before all the bull shit started happening.

In the end I think that I made the best choice for myself staying with K and getting rid of J. K is just more stable, both mentally and financially. K also has 2 jobs, where J is on disability. (Yeah I pick real winners I know) I feel a lot better knowing that I have made the best possible decision for myself, and for my son.

What does it all mean?

So I have been dating K for a year. We have had some rough spots recently, but all in all it has been a good year. J is my best guy friend. We have been friends for 6 months. Recently, in the past 2 months J and I have started spending a lot of time together once he left his wife. Usually we would just hang out here, at his place, or just ride around to no where in particular on his motorcycle.

K knows about J. K trusts me with J. He doesn’t care that we hang out and go out on the bike. And I have given K no reason not to trust me with J. J has told me that he thinks that I am the perfect woman, and that I should be put up on a pedestal. He has also said that I am too good for him, but he truly values our friendship and that nothing will change it.

Fast forward to last Saturday, June 28th. It was my sister’s graduation party. J and K were both invited. How would this turn out? Well, it actually turned out very well. J and K got along really well. They were talking and getting along like old friends. That was good. I didn’t want there to be any trust issues there, so why not get the 2 of them together. J was trying to get my sister on the back of his bike, so he figured if he took me for a ride that maybe she would go for a ride. Well, I did go for a ride, I love riding the bike, in fact so much that I am going to take my permit test so that I can get my motorcycle license. Well of course my sister chickened out. K had never been on a motorcycle before so J took him for a ride too. K loved it.

Well, I needed a ride home from work yesterday so J offered to pick me up on the bike since K was working all day. He works 2 jobs during the week and is usually gone for 13 hours. Since we were so busy I got off work a little later than expected. Not a problem for J, he doesn’t mind waiting for me. Well there was this girl that I work with M. She saw J and said that he had a nice ass. When J and I were leaving I told him what she said. Then he started asking questions about her, which I answered. Then M started texting me and asking me questions about J that I answered. So then I get a text last night from M, that she had been talkig to J and that they were now dating.

Here’s the part that I don’t get… I have really strong feelings for K. I don’t know for sure if I love him, but I think that I might. I love J like a brother. If that is really how I feel, why then did it hurt so bad when M told me that her and J were now dating? Why did that then cause me to start acting a little different toward J? He called me this morning to see if K was coming to take me out for a little bit, and I heard M talking in the background. Why then did I do everything that I could to get off of the phone with J?

He told me that him dating someone wouldn’t change our friendship, but since last night, he really hasn’t answered any of my texts or my phone calls. He wanted me to call him when K went home to tell him how things went between us, knowing the problems K and I have been having, but when I tried to call him, just got his voicemail.

What is wrong with me? Does this mean that deep down I kinda have feelings for J too? And if so, what does it all mean?